Rambles
Late at night, lying in bed, knowing I should be doing homework.
Sometimes I feel like my life has too many facets. Should I be working so much? Am I trying to do too much? I lose motivation. Am I really capable of all of this? Does it even count if some attempts in school are slightly half-assed?
At this point, I'm choosing to think that any attempt is capable of making me superwoman. My life has a purpose right now, and I have the means to get there. I have every piece of the puzzle needed to create a beautiful future for myself.
Where does one find motivation on a daily basis? I figure it needs to come from somewhere if I'm going to be so spread thin for so long.
I find it in the coffee I pour occasionally, too early in the morning. I wake up especially for that time when you can sit. Make some breakfast. Drink coffee. Then slowly meander into the bathroom to begin preparing for the day - whether it be at 5 AM or noon.
I tend to find it in other people's lack of motivation. When someone else doesn't care, it makes me want to care that much more.
I find it in a breathtaking scenery - those ones that can't be captured in a photo. You can be driving down the road, and all the sudden, WHAM. Your eyes finally can register the beauty around you. Snow in the mountains, persistent fall flowers, whatever it may be. It can alter the feel of my entire day. Isn't that why it's there? For us to appreciate it and draw from it what we need?
I find it in Luke, when the grey areas in my mind are so easily altered by his unique and beautiful black-and-white mind.
I find it in my bedroom, snuggled up with Chuy and Luke's arms around me. That moment of bliss that makes you want to fight for that many more of those sweetly simple times.
I find it in my parents, sometimes. Mostly it's intimidating how hard they work, but also a call to action - can I work as hard as they do? Can I dedicate my life to something (or someone) in such a way that I can be proud of it?
Isn't it interesting how motivation is such a thing that can change your life, yet we decide every day to summon up less and less of it.
Why are the things I'm passionate about NOT the ones that will get me a degree? Am I passionate about the wrong things? What do I need to be doing differently?
I realize this is my first post in two years, and it is scattered and full of mistakes. I'm not even sure if anyone will see this, which is slightly comforting. It is exactly what's going through my mind, one week from finals, and the world bearing down on me. Wish me luck.
A
Sometimes I feel like my life has too many facets. Should I be working so much? Am I trying to do too much? I lose motivation. Am I really capable of all of this? Does it even count if some attempts in school are slightly half-assed?
At this point, I'm choosing to think that any attempt is capable of making me superwoman. My life has a purpose right now, and I have the means to get there. I have every piece of the puzzle needed to create a beautiful future for myself.
Where does one find motivation on a daily basis? I figure it needs to come from somewhere if I'm going to be so spread thin for so long.
I find it in the coffee I pour occasionally, too early in the morning. I wake up especially for that time when you can sit. Make some breakfast. Drink coffee. Then slowly meander into the bathroom to begin preparing for the day - whether it be at 5 AM or noon.
I tend to find it in other people's lack of motivation. When someone else doesn't care, it makes me want to care that much more.
I find it in a breathtaking scenery - those ones that can't be captured in a photo. You can be driving down the road, and all the sudden, WHAM. Your eyes finally can register the beauty around you. Snow in the mountains, persistent fall flowers, whatever it may be. It can alter the feel of my entire day. Isn't that why it's there? For us to appreciate it and draw from it what we need?
I find it in Luke, when the grey areas in my mind are so easily altered by his unique and beautiful black-and-white mind.
I find it in my bedroom, snuggled up with Chuy and Luke's arms around me. That moment of bliss that makes you want to fight for that many more of those sweetly simple times.
I find it in my parents, sometimes. Mostly it's intimidating how hard they work, but also a call to action - can I work as hard as they do? Can I dedicate my life to something (or someone) in such a way that I can be proud of it?
Isn't it interesting how motivation is such a thing that can change your life, yet we decide every day to summon up less and less of it.
Why are the things I'm passionate about NOT the ones that will get me a degree? Am I passionate about the wrong things? What do I need to be doing differently?
I realize this is my first post in two years, and it is scattered and full of mistakes. I'm not even sure if anyone will see this, which is slightly comforting. It is exactly what's going through my mind, one week from finals, and the world bearing down on me. Wish me luck.
A
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